Traumatic Reenactments in Abuse Survivors

The key to identifying and eliminating self-destructive behavior.

Key points

  • Those who were traumatized as children have a tendency to reenact or relive past trauma.
  • Typically, a traumatized individual reenacts a trauma to remember, assimilate, or integrate a trauma.
  • Reenactments can also be an attempt to understand or heal from a trauma.
  • Do you continually get involved with abusive partners (physical, emotional, or sexual abuse)?
  • Do you constantly get involved with unavailable, rejecting, or abandoning people?
  • Do you tend to treat your children the way your abusive, neglectful, or abandoning parents did?
  • Do you treat yourself in the same ways your abusive, neglectful, or abandoning parents treated you?

If your response was “yes” to even one of these questions, you may be suffering from a traumatic reenactment, or what Freud called “the repetition compulsion.” While reenactments are experienced by many people, those who were traumatized as children have a tendency to re-enact or relive past trauma more than the average person. Trauma reenactments occur when people expose themselves to situations reminiscent of the original trauma, placing themselves at emotional risk or in physical danger in a compulsive mimicking of the past. For example, a woman who was physically abused by her father may continually find herself being attracted to abusive men. A man whose mother emotionally abused him may continually become attracted to women who are overly critical toward him.

I first learned about the repetition compulsion when I was in graduate school studying to become a psychotherapist. I was immediately fascinated by the idea that we could have such a powerful drive to master or undo the difficult or traumatic events in our lives that we would unconsciously repeat these events. As I began to work with clients, I was struck by how often this compulsion proved to be the reason why client after client repeatedly became involved in negative, even self-destructive relationships, acted out in dangerous ways, or sabotaged their success and happiness.

Many years later, I am still fascinated by this very human compulsion, especially since I have witnessed it in action with a multitude of clients. In this post, I will share with you what I have learned about this phenomenon, both from extensive research and study and from what I have learned from working with clients.

Traumatic Reenactments

Several theories have been suggested to explain the phenomenon of traumatic reenactments.

  • Many experts understand reenactments as an attempt to achieve mastery. This means that a traumatized individual reenacts a trauma to rememberassimilate, integrate, understand, and heal from the traumatic experience.
  • Some experts perceive reenactments as spontaneous behavioral repetitions of past traumatic events that have never been verbalized or even remembered. For example, Freud noted that individuals who do not remember past traumatic events are “obliged to repeat the repressed material as a contemporary experience instead of…remembering it as something belonging in the past.”
  • Others suggest that reenactments result from the psychological vulnerabilities characteristic of trauma survivors. For example, as a result of a range of ego deficits and poor coping strategies, trauma survivors can become easy prey for victimizers.

Ongoing reenactments usually indicate that a former victim is emotionally stuck and can be interpreted as a “call for help.” They are attempting to work through some aspect of past trauma by repeating it with another person, hoping that this time the result will be different.

We don’t consciously and deliberately set out to repeat a parent’s behavior, get involved with a replica of an abusive or neglectful caregiver, or repeat a trauma over and over. These are unconscious actions on our part—in other words, they are outside of our self-awareness.

In addition to the idea that reenactments are caused by a need to repeat the past in order to get a different result, I would add that reenactments are often an unconscious need for people to understand what happened to them and why. Those who are caught up in reenactments are often troubled (consciously and unconsciously) by events that occurred in their past. Some are confused about why people treated them the way they did. Others blame themselves. Still others are in denial about these events. They are overwhelmed by emotions such as shame, angerfear, and pain, emotions that are often suppressed or repressed. All this confusion and denial work together on an unconscious level, causing them to reenact troubling events in an effort to gain understanding and closure. For example, a girl whose father abandoned her will likely be preoccupied with discovering why he did so and may blame herself in some way. As an adult, this will likely affect her relationships with men, causing her both to doubt her ability to keep a man interested in her and to be attracted to unavailable men.

Reenactments often lead to revictimization and, with it, related feelings of shame, helplessness, and hopelessness. For example, it has been found that women who were sexually abused as children are more likely to be sexually or physically abused in their marriagesTherefore, gaining an understanding and control of reenactments is a primary way to avoid further revictimization and shaming.

Questionnaire: Are You Experiencing Reenactments Brought on by Unresolved Trauma?

  • Do you find yourself repeating the same kind of mistakes over and over (e.g., choosing the wrong type of partner, trusting the wrong people, taking risks that don’t pay off)?
  • Do you continually make unhealthy choices, such as choosing the same kind of abusive, controlling, rejecting, or abandoning type of partner or friend?
  • Do you have a “type”—a certain kind of person you are consistently attracted to?
  • Do others tell you they see patterns in the type of partners or friends you choose?
  • Do you continue to repeat negative behaviors over and over again even though you try not to (for example, putting yourself at risk by getting drunk at parties or bars and going home with someone inappropriate)?
  • Do you engage in risky sexual behavior such as not using condoms or engaging in rough sex with strangers?
  • Do you treat yourself the same way a neglectful and/or abusive parent did?
  • Do you find that you are repeating the negative or destructive behavior of one of your parents?
  • Was one or both of your parents an alcoholic or drug abuser and do you find you are attracted to alcoholic or drug-addicted partners?
  • Are you accident-prone?
  • Do you suffer from frequent unexplained illnesses or pains?
  • Do you sometimes sabotage your success or happiness?

If you answered “yes” to even one of the above questions, you are likely reenacting a traumatic experience from your childhood. And you are not alone. Millions of people are caught up in reenactments.

References

Engel, Beverly, Put Your Past in the Past: Why You May Be Reenacting Your Trauma and How to Stop It. Broadleaf Books, 2025, Minneapolis, MN 55440